It's All Relative
by Owl344
Summary: Orochimaru is winning, and Konoha and almost all of its citizens are dead. It's up to Naruto and Co. to go back in time into their genin bodies and save the world. Unfortunately, no one told Kakashi this. And he wants, badly, to know what's going on...
1. Prologue: Kakashi, Confused

**_A/N: This isn't very long--it's not meant to be. It's a prologue. When I eventually update, that chapter will be longer. Mind, I probably won't update for a while--but such is life._**

**_Disclaimer: Don't own. Never will. Hell, I don't even own the plot idea--it's been done before and will be done again._**

Prologue: Kakashi, Confused

It didn't take a genius to see that something weird was going on.

Hatake Kakashi _was _a genius, as it so happened, but—in this case—he didn't need to be.

He'd read their files. He'd talked to Iruka.

Naruto was _supposed _to be an overexcited, hyperactive blond who had a crush on Sakura and thought Sasuke was a loser.

Sakura was _supposed _to hate Naruto, have an overwhelming crush on Sasuke, have a lot of book smarts and suck at all things practical.

And as for Sasuke—_he _was supposed to think that Naruto and Sakura were worth less than the dirt beneath his feet. He was supposed to be all 'alone avenger'.

But when he'd brought told them to tell him about themselves…

Sakura had said, sweetly, "Why don't you go first, sensei?"

The trio had glanced between themselves, amused as if at some private joke.

He'd given them his usual spiel, only to see their amusement increase.

Naruto had gone first. He'd said, "My dream is to protect my precious people. My hope is to protect my precious people. My plans for the future are to become Rokudaime and protect Konoha. I hate people who try to hurt my precious people. And paperwork—_definitely _paperwork."

This, in itself, had given Kakashi pause. He'd known about Naruto's Hokage dreams, of course, but why _Rokudaime_? It didn't necessarily mean anything, but it was rather…odd. And as for the paperwork comment…

Well, fair enough, he hated paperwork too. But when had Naruto ever had the chance to do enough to hate it?

Then Sakura had smiled supportively at Naruto…and _Sasuke _had squeezed his shoulder.

_What,_ thought Kakashi, _the hell?_

Sakura had gone next.

"My dream is to become a great medic-nin and support my team, and to help Sasuke and Naruto achieve their dreams. My hope is to become a good enough ninja to save some lives. I hate people who hurt people for no reason. My plan for the future is to aid Naruto become Hokage."

Naruto had declared, quietly but fiercely, "You will, Sakura. _Believe it!_"

And Sakura had.

Everything was odd. Sakura seemed to be…following Naruto. She'd looked at Sasuke many times, but not looks that suggested a crush: merely looks between teammates.

She'd definitely been unexpected.

Sasuke had continued the trend of utterly bewildering his expectations.

"My plan for the future is to kill someone"—_so far so good_, he'd thought, _or at least so anticipated_—"before he hurts Naruto, Sakura and the rest of our friends. My hope is to become a good enough ninja to do so. My dream is for Naruto to become Rokudaime. I hate snakes."

That was…utterly unexpected, to say the least.

Where were the declarations of revenge? The proclamations of avengerhood?

And why _snakes?_

Naruto, at least, seemed to understand, and told Sasuke in an undertone, "You need not worry. I will not let him bite you."

Sakura smiled fiercely. "If he even considers doing so, he will regret it. Severely."

Sasuke smiled softly. "Thank you. But he already has considered it."

Sakura's smile turned angelic. "I did say he'd regret it," she said sweetly.

This produced a chuckle from the two males on the team.

…the _hell?_

It only got worse from there. From the brief meeting on the rooftops, he'd expected something different during the bell test, but he'd at least expected them to _not _eat breakfast.

They had, and were still eating when he got there.

They hadn't even been annoyed when he was late!

Something really weird was going on, he was sure.

He'd presented the bell test, but there hadn't been any outrage exclamations. They'd seemed to _expect _it.

…He could feel a headache coming on from all his bewildered expectations.

_All right_, he'd told himself, _so they've behaved weirdly…all right, _really_ weirdly…that doesn't mean that they're going to pass the bell test. They'd have to—_

_Ah, who am I kidding? The only way to pass is to use teamwork. Unfortunately, these guys seem like they've been working together for _years_. _

He'd told them to come at him with deadly force. Normally, someone would be shocked, and complain.

This time, all that happened is that Sasuke cocked his head at Sakura, who shook her head with a humorous expression.

Then they'd proceeded to vanish into the bushes, leaving Kakashi with a continually bewildering question: _What is going on? _


	2. Chapter One: Kakashi, Head Hurting

_**A/N: Ah, see, when I said **_**longer_, I really meant--_**

**_No, I am sorry. Seriously. This chapter _is _longer, but not by as much as I would have liked. Unfortunately, this is how it came out. I hope you enjoy it--and I _promise _you, the next chapter will be longer still._**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I'm Canadian and female, for one thing._**

Kakashi, Head Hurting

Kakashi stared, stunned, at the three genin in front of him.

No, that couldn't be right. These three _couldn't _be genin. There was no way, no possible way that three genin could beat a jounin. Especially not _him_.

He hadn't turned on his Sharingan, true, but even without it, he was one of the best ninja that the Village of the Leaf had…and these three _genin _had just—

Well, they hadn't beaten him, exactly. They hadn't taken him down. But they'd passed the test easily, and they were now tossing the two bells between themselves very, very quickly.

His head hurt. These…ninja…hadn't used any techniques he hadn't expected them to know, but they'd worked as a veteran team.

Oh, yeah—and _Naruto _was their leader.

He'd managed to overhear just a little bit of their conversation before being detected—they'd _detected _him! _Him!_—but what he had managed to hear had been…odd.

"So," Sasuke had said, "what's the plan?"

Kakashi had blinked, startled. Surely he hadn't heard that right…but as he edged closer to get a better look, the conversation continued in much the same manner.

Naruto had sighed. "I wish Shika were here," he'd muttered.

"It could have been worse," pointed out Sakura. "He could have been not _here_ at all."

"I suppose," Naruto had conceded. "But…damn. All right, here—wait, I hear someone."

They hadn't moved from their places, but had concocted a plan nonetheless. If they'd been chunin, he would have thought that they were a team that had worked together numerous times and were now conducting a conversation via hand signals.

But they were genin who apparently had had _no _actual friendship with each other for the first several years of their lives!

Nevertheless, it was the only explanation that was remotely possible.

In all honesty, it made Kakashi's head hurt.

Naruto grinned at him, still easily catching and throwing the bells. "So, Kakashi-sensei," he said easily. "Do we pass, or what?"

Kakashi blinked. "Pass? Wha…yes, yes. You pass."

"All of us?" challenged Sasuke darkly.

"Yes," he agreed as he noted Naruto send Sasuke a warning look. "All of you! I'll meet you tomorrow. Now…bye!"

It wasn't, he told himself firmly, running away. It was a _tactical retreat_.

IAR

Kakashi lay on his couch, staring at the ceiling. This didn't make any sense! It didn—

_No, _he told himself firmly. _Repeating yourself isn't going to help. What you need is information. _

_All right. Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke._

_Let's see. I don't think anyone—except his teammates, apparently—is close to Sasuke. And I can't see Naruto or Sakura being very receptive to my questioning, especially when I want to know more about _them_, as well…_

_Sakura? Well, she's undoubtedly closest to the most people…but none of them—with the exception of her teammates, again—are ninja. There's the Yamanaka…Ino, I think…but from what I've heard, they're not best friends anymore, so I doubt she'd know anything. Her parents probably wouldn't be receptive to non-official questioning, either._

_Which leaves me with…Naruto. He's close to, what, two people that I know of? Again, plus his teammates, but again, I can't exactly question them. And that leaves me with either Umino Iruka or the Hokage. Iruka…is too overprotective, I think. The Hokage, though…he might be willing to answer some of my questions._

_If he's able to._

IAR

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Third Hokage of Konoha, looked up as Kakashi entered the room via the window.

"You could just use the door, you know," he observed.

Kakashi appeared to grimace—it could be hard to tell, under the mask—then sighed. "Maybe," he admitted. "But I need to talk to you about something."

"Ah," said Sarutobi. "Your genin students, correct?"

"Yes," agreed Kakashi. "How did you know?"

"You are the third jounin instructor who has been in here today," said Sarutobi, allowing no inflection to slip into his tone.

"Wha—the _third_? Who were the other two?"

"Gai and Asuma," replied the Hokage calmly. "But tell me, what it the matter with your students? Do you suspect them to be infiltrators? Are you perhaps ridiculously pleased that the 'hard work' you have tried to instill in them has paid off? Are you bemused that you student managed to beat you in a game of go with one eye open and one hand tied behind his back, literally?"

The jounin blinked. "No," he admitted. "I was wondering if you could tell me about Naruto."

The Sandaime's face hardened momentarily. "Why?" he inquired, voice cool. "I assure you, he is _not _a demon bent on taking over Konoha. If you have so little faith in your sensei's seal as all that—"

"No, no," interrupted Kakashi hastily. "No, believe it or not that's the last thing I'm worried about. It's just…Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto are acting as if they've been working together for years. And from what I've seen, Naruto is their leader. I was hoping you could shed some light on the situation…" he trailed off, voice inviting explanation.

Sarutobi shook his head. "Alas, no," he said. "I wish I could help you, but yesterday I agreed with your estimates of them. I take it these estimates have changed?"

Kakashi shook his head. "You have no idea, Hokage-sama. They managed to detect my presence. I wasn't concealing at full strenght, but then, I shouldn't have needed to. They're genin, for Someone's sake!" He let out a long, soft sigh. "You're welcome to come and watch tomorrow, if you wish to."

Sarutobi shrugged. "If my work permits it, perhaps," he said mildly. "Ah…you may wish to compare notes to Gai and Asuma—and possibly Kurenai, if she shows up in my office. Good luck."

Kakashi nodded, and vanished back out the window. _Good luck,_ he thought dryly. _I'll need it!_


	3. Chapter Two: Kakashi, Discussing

**_A/N: Well, I hope it's come as quite a surprise to you that this is the first of my stories updated--it certainly has to me. To anyone reading either my Artemis Fowl or my Miles Vorkosigan fic, yes, there are chapters in progress--no, they're not mostly completed. They'll probably take a while to update, but no guarantees. To anyone reading March to the Empire, I'm most of the way through the eight chapter--six and a third pages of size twelve Times New Roman. The problem is, this chapter ends at a specific point; I can feel it. To end it either sooner or later would be wrong, in a way I can't really describe. So I'm stuck trying to make it long enough, but not just make it boring filler. However, some progress has been made and it should be updated soon--again, no guarantees._**

**_As for the length of this chapter--it's longer than the last one, but not by much. I'm giving up long chapters for this story, at least for now, as it seems to want to be written in short blurbs._**

**_Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto. I didn't own it yesterday, I won't tomorrow. The only way I could see my way to getting my hands on it would be if some giant disaster wiped out all humans except me, in which case I'd probably have the best legal claim to it. Though I can't imagine why such a thing would happen...*Rubs hand gleefully with gleeful cackles*_**

Kakashi, Discussing

Kakashi stood on a rooftop, considering his options. He could go home, get drunk, and hope that everything was a—well, not exactly horrible, but _really weird_—dream. He could continue with life as normal and ignore the situation. Or he could follow the Hokage's suggestion and look for Gai and Asuma.

While the first option certainly had its appeal, it probably wasn't very practical: he wasn't dreaming—unless…

A thought occurred to him, and he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it sooner. He took his kunai and, carefully, made a small cut on one finger…

And winced, before sticking the kunai away. Alright: he could hurt himself, which meant it wasn't a genjutsu. Damn.

All right. So he wasn't dreaming, and it wasn't a genjutsu. And while ignoring the situation didn't look bad either, he couldn't take that risk: he didn't really believe that Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were threats to the village, but—he'd been wrong before. Very wrong.

Which left following the Hokage's suggestion—always a good idea. Oh, there _were_ other things he could do, but they mostly amounted to ignoring the situation.

Well, except…

He wasn't _frightened _by the idea of spying on his students, he told himself firmly. That wasn't it at all. He paused a moment, staring off into space as he tried to think of a reason _not _to spy on Naruto and his teammates…

_Aha! _He thought, brightening notably. _They spotted me before, didn't they? What if they do again? If they do, they'll be on guard. So there! That's a perfectly good reason! _He thought at himself triumphantly.

_I'm sure,_ he replied sarcastically.

_Oh, shut up_, he retorted.

He shook his head, clearing it of the strange mental conversation, and focused his thoughts on the task at hand. Where would Gai and/or Asuma be at this time of day?

Knowing Gai, the training grounds. All right. He'd start there, and then search for Asuma.

He launched himself at the next rooftop, traveling to the training grounds as quickly as he possibly could.

As it turned out, he didn't have to search for Asuma: the man was right there, talking with Gai, who—miracle of miracles—wasn't training, but merely chatting with Asuma.

He hopped down besides them.

"Hello, Gai, Asuma," he greeted cordially. "What're you talking about?" He had a hunch, but he didn't really want to bring the subject up himself.

"Hey, Kakashi," said Asuma. "We're talking—"

"Kakashi, my eternal rival!" shouted Gai gleefully. "We are discussing the spring of youthfulness that has recently appeared in our students!"

Asuma rolled his eyes, but confirmed Gai's statement: "What he said," the Hokage's son agreed.

Kakashi nodded. "My students were behaving…well, _really _oddly. They look up to Naruto. _As a leader_. Can I just express how weird that is?"

Asuma nodded. "Tell me about it," he agreed. "Well...I don't know that I have anything quite as odd as Uchiha and Haruno looking up to the—to Uzumaki, but yesterday, my team seemed to think that teamwork meant 'squabbling'. Now, they're as close as any team I've seen, closer than most...Not to mention Ino's maturity increased exponentially overnight. Oh, and Shika—he was already very, very intelligent—appears to have grown experience in actual battles overnight. Chouji...well, there's no apparent outward change, but he's colder, more like a veteran."

Gai beamed. "I have the most joyous news of all! Neji has realized that he is Lee and Tenten are his equals in inner strength! He has reached his Springtime of Youthfulness and is considerate towards others! He was late today because he was helping his cousin!" At Kakashi's curious cock of the head, the man added, "Hinata. One of Kurenai's team?"

Kakashi blinked. "_Hin—_he was late because he was helping _Hinata_? _Hyuuga Hinata? _As in, the clan heiress? I thought he hated her!"

Asuma waved his cigar, indicating agreement.

Gai was still beaming. "Springtime of Youth!" he intoned.

Kakashi traded glances with the smoking Jounin next to him. _Riiight,_ said both their glances.

The conversation continued in this way for a few minutes, each sensei talking about the differences in their students. It would no doubt have continued longer had Kurenai not showed up.

"The Hokage suggested I come talk to you. Any ideas? I have no idea if this is a dream come true or a nightmare?"

Asuma looked concerned. "What? Why?"

"Hinata's confident—enough said. As for Shino and Kiba...well, they still bicker, don't get me wrong, but it's clear they'd die for each other. I'd be pleased if it weren't so...creepy."

Kakashi shrugged gloomily. Jerking his head at Gai, he said, "_His _Hyuuga no longer believes he's the center of the universe. Ino's maturity has improved—I believe exponentially was the word used, eh, Asuma?" At the man's nod, he continued, "As for my team...Sasuke and Sakura look up to Naruto. As a leader. And they look to him for orders. It's all making my head ache."

Kurenai nodded. "Tell me about it," she agreed. "It's just...bizzare."

Asuma sighed agreement, and even Gai looked like he was coming down from his cloud of youthfulness enough to agree.

Kurenai sighed. "I don't know what to do. They're so different—but at the same time, they're still _them_, if you know what I mean. I'd swear that those were my team, just in, oh, twenty years—having gone through thick and thin together, if you know what I mean. It's really, _really_ weird, but they're not doing anyone any harm. And I don't think that their spies. I mean, any spy would be a complete idiot to change so completely."

Asuma and Kakashi nodded agreement; Gai bounced his head up and down as if it were attached to a spring.

All four Senseis sighed in unison and then, again in unison, wandered off.

Kakashi arrived back at his apartment and took a look around, then sat back and began to plan. He had a meeting with his geni—well, students, anyways—tomorrow, and he was _not _going to arrive unprepared.


	4. Kakashi, Badly in Need of A Drink

_A/N: This is officially abandoned. I can't _guarantee_ I'll never pick it up again, but a) That looks likely and b) If I did, it would be after an extensive rewrite. With that in mind, I'd like to say that if anyone wants to pick this story up, they're welcome to it. I'd like it if you'd let me know, although it's not necessary-I want to find out how the damn thing turns out! (Also, if you do, I will post a note here to let people know, so that's probably more efficient.) _

_Okay, everyone, this story has officially been adopted by White Walkers! (Profile here: u/4371181/). Thanks, White Walkers, and I hope you have fun with it._

_Dislaimer: Don't own. Never will. Alas. Alack. Other exclamations of general gloomitude._

Kakashi, Badly in Need of a Drink

For once, Kakashi was early. Hiding in a tree (a five hundred year oak, a thing of beauty), but still early.

If his students knew, they'd probably have a heart attack.

But they _weren't going _to know, he assured himself. There was no way that they'd improved _that _much, that quickly. Right?

On the other hand, a couple of days ago, he'd have laughed himself sick if you told him that Sakura and Sasuke would look at Naruto as a leader. Or that Sakura wouldn't be fangirly. Or that Sasuke wouldn't be obsessed with revenge...

He shuddered slightly and decided to conceal himself as well as he could. Better safe than sorry, right? And it wasn't like anyone would ever find out.

They'd better not, anyway. He really didn't want to endure the teasing he'd be sure to receive if anyone other than Gai, Asuma, Kurenai or the Sandaime found out that he hiding from his genin students to the extent of his capabilities.

On the other hand, if they _did _find out, he could always just somehow leave him with Kakashi's students. Injure himself, maybe, then request the other person as supervisor? Of course, it would probably be a bad idea if said person was Anko. He didn't want Naruto and co. to be traumatized, after all.

...No, on second thought, Anko might well be the one who was traumatized. Which was a pretty scary thought, when you came right down to it-

Kakashi's thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of two of his students down below: the relative of his best, first friend, and the son of his teacher. Or, to put it another way, Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto.

Sasuke's face very nearly frightened Kakashi, and Kakashi wasn't a man to scare easily. The boy's face held a mix of despair and fury, of complete and utter rage...

Not that he hadn't seen those before, mostly on faces of people he was about to kill. He couldn't tell what made Sasuke so different. _It's probably_, he concluded, _because Sasuke's one of my students._

_Right._

Sasuke punched the tree Kakashi was sitting in, so hard the entire damn tree shook. The entire five hundred year old oak tree _shook_.

That took a lot of power. And given that he was pretty sure that Sasuke wasn't _that _strong, physically, that meant a lot of chakra. Applied in a way that Kakashi was sure he hadn't taught them, and was equally sure the academy didn't teach.

What was going _on _here?

"Those _bastards_," snarled the Uchiha. "You're always so kind—you never—they treat you like _dirt_."

"We knew it would be hard, Sasuke," responded Naruto gently. "Calm down."

The other boy swore imaginatively for a few minutes, then appeared to run out of steam. He sighed. "I still don't understand why you let them treat you like that, though."

Naruto grinned. "Yes, but you _also _still don't understand why I chased after you for so many years."

Kakashi blinked. Chased after Sasuke? Did that mean that Naruto and Sasuke were in...a _relationship?_

...He couldn't wait to explain this one to the Council. No, he could probably palm it off on the Sandaime.

Of course, that would mean he'd have to _tell_ Sarutobi.

And _that _scenario just made him shudder.

Still, it was better to tell the Hokage now then to have to deal with the old man's fury if he found out before Kakashi told him. _That _scenario didn't just make him shudder, it made him want to hide. Somewhere far away. Like Sound. Or, hell, even _Mist_.

God, he really, _really_ hoped not.

"I tried to kill you several times," pointed out Sasuke.

For a moment, all Kakashi could think was, _Ah. Not a romantic relationship, then._

Then the words caught up to him, and he nearly fell out of a tree.

Sasuke. Had tried to kill Naruto. Several times.

No, that couldn't be what it sounded like. He might not be the best Jounin teacher, but he was pretty sure he'd have noticed if one of his students had been trying to kill another. Especially with all the spy—ah, _observing—_ he'd been doing.

And they hadn't really had a great deal of interaction before, or even during, the academy. Or at least, he hadn't thought so, and everybody else in the village had agreed with him.

Except, apparently, Naruto and Sasuke.

_All right_, thought Kakashi, _let's think about this._ Naruto was his father's son, in many ways, and one of those ways was his huge heart. All right, yes, he was an absolute idiot, but he somehow still loved the village of Konoha, even after all it had done to him. One would have to be an idiot (or a Council member, though now that Kakashi thought about it he wasn't so sure that the two weren't synonymous) to deny that. And he had a way of worming himself into the hearts of the most unlikely people (witness Iruka). So...after the Uchiha Massacre, Naruto had sensed Sasuke's pain—hell, who wouldn't—and done his best to soothe it in his usual completely tactless way, probably mortally insulting all of the Uchihas in the process. Then, in a fit of temper, Sasuke had tried to kill Naruto and driven him away temporarily. But Naruto, who was about as likely to give up as the sun was to rise in the west, had come back, and somehow insulted Sasuke again. Repeat several times. But this had become a routine, and they'd become friends. And somehow friends with Sakura. Which they'd hidden from the village and their closest friends (except apparently each other) for several years. While training.

All right, so it needed work. But it was all he could come up with for the moment.

Sarutobi would want to know this. Kakashi should probably tell him.

* * *

The Hokage, who had been drinking water, choked. Kakashi watched him curiously until he stopped.

"I did warn you," he commented.

"Excuse me, Kakashi, but are you telling me that you suspect that Sasuke and Naruto, whom everyone knows hate each other, to have been friends for years? And that they also somehow befriended Sakura, when it is equally well known both that Sakura wouldn't give Naruto the time of day and Sasuke hates her fangirl attitude?"

"Um," said Kakashi. Well, when he put it _that _way...

Sarutobi sighed. "You need to stop drinking, Kakashi."

_I need to _start _drinking, _thought the jounin, then, _wait. What?! _"I wasn't drinking, Hokage-sama!" he said indignantly.

Sarutobi ignored him. "I appreciate that having a new genin team is stressful, but when you lose the ability to tell the difference between reality and drunken hallucinations..." He shook his haid sadly.

"Hoka-" began Kakashi, still indigant.

He received a stern look. "Promise me, Kakashi," said Sarutobi.

Kakashi sighed. This was going nowhere. "I promise, Hokage-sama," he said gloomily.

* * *

_Well_, thought Kakashi as he leapt across the rooftops, _that could have gone worse. There wasn't any shouting, anyway._

_Yes, but the Hokage now thinks your a drunkard,_ he pointed out to himself.

_Oh, shut up,_ he retorted.

All right. So it could have gone better, too. For instance, the Hokage could have believed him, and not made assumptions about his level of alcohol consumption.

On the other hand, he wasn't locked up, and was absolutely free to continue spy—_observing_-his students.

That was when he sensed the Kyuubi's chakra from the Uchiha compound.


End file.
